Discover how to navigate festive stress without judgement, from managing insomnia and overthinking to handling family pressures, masking, grief and shifting expectations. A psychotherapist’s guide to staying grounded during the Christmas season – beyond the Hollywood ideal.
(This post first appeared on my Substack: https://substack.com/home/post/p-178003444
When your own body becomes the monster under the bed
There are few things more disorientating than waking up and discovering that you can’t move. You can see your room. You can hear the sounds outside – the central heating humming, the faint tick of the radiator, maybe the breath of someone beside you – but you can’t move a finger. And then comes the presence. The weight. The feeling that something else is in the room.
For many people, this is sleep paralysis – a strange, unsettling overlap between sleep and wakefulness. But if you’ve experienced it, you don’t need the name to know the feeling. You already know the dread that seeps in when bedtime approaches, the hesitation before switching off the light, the anxious bargain with yourself – please, not tonight.
In the small hours, fear takes on its own logic. You know it isn’t real, but your body disagrees. Your pulse races, your muscles refuse to respond, and your mind fills in the blanks with the oldest stories it knows – demons, ghosts, intruders, the sense of being watched. It’s no wonder that across cultures and centuries, sleep paralysis has inspired myths of the night hag, the incubus, and the suffocating spirits that “sit on the chest”. Science, however, tells a quieter story.
During REM sleep – the phase in which we dream most vividly – our brains cleverly paralyse our muscles so that we don’t act out our dreams. It’s a safety feature, not a flaw. Sleep paralysis occurs when that REM paralysis persists while the mind wakes up. We’re conscious, but the body hasn’t yet received the “all clear” signal. The dream world hasn’t quite packed up and gone home, so for a few seconds or minutes, both realities overlap. It’s not supernatural – it’s a timing error.
Still, knowing that doesn’t always help at 2am.
What matters is not only what happens, but how we make sense of it. For some, the experience becomes traumatising not because of the paralysis itself, but because of what it symbolises – the feeling of being trapped, silenced, powerless. The body becomes both the victim and the jailer. It’s easy to see how this can spiral into a deep fear of sleep itself. After all, who would willingly step back into something that feels like dying?
I am always amazed by how the human brain is the most eccentric storyteller imaginable. Give it a little darkness and a little adrenaline, and it will produce its own gothic novel. The shadows on the ceiling become characters, the pressure on the chest becomes a plot. But when you can look at it with a dash of wonder rather than horror – “Ah, so this is what my brain does when it forgets to switch the lights back on” – the fear starts to loosen its grip.
It might surprise you to know that this is a common experience. Around one in five people experience sleep paralysis at least once in their lives. It’s especially likely when we’re sleep-deprived, stressed, or sleeping irregularly. Certain medications can make it more frequent, as can jet lag, alcohol, or disrupted sleep schedules. It’s unnerving, yes – but it’s not dangerous. Your breathing continues, your heart beats, and the paralysis always ends. Always.
If we reframe it, sleep paralysis becomes not a haunting but a hiccup – a reminder that consciousness isn’t a light switch, but a dimmer. It fades in and out. Sometimes the settings overlap.
So what helps?
Regular sleep patterns, for one. Going to bed and waking up at consistent times helps the brain regulate its transitions. Avoiding caffeine and alcohol late in the day reduces fragmentation. Sleeping on your side instead of your back often prevents it. And if you do wake paralysed, focus on moving a small part – a finger, a toe – rather than the whole body. That tiny movement usually breaks the spell.
And psychologically? Remind yourself that fear feeds on isolation. Tell someone about it. Talk to your GP if it’s happening often. Bring it into the daylight. The monsters of the night rarely survive conversation.
If you fear going to sleep because of it, the goal isn’t to conquer the fear but to make friends with the unknown. You can even prepare for it gently: “If it happens, I’ll notice it. I’ll breathe slowly. I’ll wait.” That act of naming – of welcoming instead of resisting – rewires the panic. Sleep paralysis can’t harm you, but the fear of it can.
Perhaps the most reassuring thought is this: the same brain that traps you is also the one that frees you. The moment you understand it, you’ve already taken away its power.
And maybe, there’s something oddly beautiful about that – that our brains are such eccentric, overzealous storytellers that even their mistakes come with special effects. The trick isn’t to silence them, but to listen with curiosity and kindness.
Because sometimes the scariest part of the night is simply your mind forgetting, for a few moments, that you’re safe. And remembering that is how you find your way back.
If this resonates, pass it on to someone who dreads the dark. Understanding turns the unknown into something almost tender – and that’s often the first step towards sleeping peacefully again.
When you’re struggling with persistently poor sleep, it can feel like your whole world is off balance. It can take a toll on everything – from your mood to your physical health, from your focus at work to your relationships.
With such exasperating effects, it’s no wonder that sleep issues are among the most common reasons people seek professional support. But once you decide to reach out, where do you turn?
Some people recommend sleep therapy, while others point in the direction of psychotherapy. At first glance, they might sound the same, but while they overlap, they’re actually quite different approaches. Understanding those differences can help you find the right kind of help for your unique situation.
Here we’ll explore what sleep therapy and psychotherapy are, how they’re used to treat sleep disorders, and how you can decide which one is best for you.
Sleep therapy refers to specialised treatments aimed solely at improving sleep quality and addressing the mechanics of sleep. It can involve:
In short: sleep therapy is focused on sleep itself – your routines, behaviours and your body’s relationship with sleep.
Psychotherapy is much broader than sleep therapy. It explores the emotions, thoughts and behaviours that can trigger sleep problems, with the goal not just being to achieve the rest you desperately crave, but to gain better overall self-understanding and emotional wellbeing.
There are many different types of psychotherapy, which can be used to support better sleep, including:
But, what does this have to do with sleep? Well, many sleep disorders are tied to stress, anxiety, depression or trauma. If your mind races at night with worries, you ruminate over difficult conversations or past actions, or you’re struggling with grief, psychotherapy can help you address those underlying issues.
In short: psychotherapy looks at sleep as part of a bigger picture. It treats the emotional and psychological roots that can interfere with healthy sleep.
Absolutely! The triggers of anyone’s sleep struggles are deeply individual and complex, which means the support you receive should be equally bespoke. There is no one-size-fits-all treatment, so it’s natural that many people see the best results when sleep therapy and psychotherapy are combined.
Take these examples:
Think of it this way: sleep therapy teaches your brain and body how to sleep better, while psychotherapy helps you understand and process what’s keeping you awake.
If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few guiding questions:
In all cases, it can be helpful to start by approaching a healthcare professional, such as your GP, who can rule out medical conditions (like sleep apnea or thyroid issues) and then recommend appropriate referrals.
Struggling with sleep can feel isolating, but it’s an incredibly common experience. It is not a personal failure, and you’re not alone. Both sleep therapy and psychotherapy are tools that exist because countless people have walked this same path and found ways forward.
Whether you turn to sleep therapy, psychotherapy, or both, know that practical and compassionate support exists, and with the right guidance and time, better sleep is possible.
As a UKCP psychotherapist specialising in sleep, I understand sleep issues are rarely just about sleep – they’re often shaped by deeper anxieties, inner conflict and unmet needs which rise to the surface in the quiet hours. My approach is integrative and collaborative. Together, we can make sense of your experience and reconnect with what your body and mind need to truly rest – not just at night, but in your waking life too. Get in touch to begin.
Do you find yourself waking up during the night for no apparent reason?
You may have fallen asleep easily enough, but here you are once again, at 3am, staring at your bedroom ceiling, willing for your eyes to close.
Not being able to sleep through the night is infuriating and can leave you feeling exhausted the next day.
Many people brush off this type of sleeping problem because they associate insomnia with being unable to fall asleep in the first place or staying up all night, but the condition can present itself in many ways.
If you are waking up at the same time every night or waking up frequently and struggling to fall back to sleep, then this is a genuine issue for which help is on hand.
Let’s take a look at why this might be happening and the ways you can alleviate the problem so you can look forward to a night of uninterrupted sleep.
Sometimes the solution could be as simple as looking at your sleeping environment.
Think…
Factors, such as those listed above, could momentarily wake you up. The key is identifying and alleviating these issues so, if your eyes open, you can fall back to sleep as easily as possible.
Ideally, your room should be dark, comfortably cool and quiet. So, invest in blackout curtains or blinds and use an eye mask to block out errant light, buy a fan if you struggle with temperature control, and consider using earplugs to dull sound.
Various everyday lifestyle habits can have a bearing on the quality of your sleep. Take a look at some of the sleep-disrupting culprits below and see what changes you could make.
A very common reason for nighttime wake ups is stress. When you feel anxious, your body activates your sympathetic nervous system (your “fight” or “flight” mode), which keeps you in a state of high alert (hyperarousal) and ready to respond to danger – even if the danger is tomorrow’s work meeting or shopping list.
This not only jolts you awake at night with a start, but also leads to the overproduction of cortisol, which keeps you alert and prevents the release of melatonin, the handy hormone that helps you relax, switch-off and fall back to sleep.
And while you’re awake, your stress is continuing to brew as you contemplate the few hours you have left before you need to be up for the day, adding to your hyperarousal and creating a frustrating, vicious cycle.
Try to incorporate calming techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness throughout the day to reduce stress levels before bedtime. Journaling is also a simple, but effective tool for offloading any thoughts racing through your mind before you hit the pillow.
If you do wake in the night, why not give Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) a go? The idea is to systematically tense and then relax different muscle groups in your body – from your toes to your face! This not only releases physical tension but signals your parasympathetic nervous system (the opposing partner to your sympathetic nervous system) to activate your “rest and digest” mode.
If after 20 or 30 minutes, you’re still not feeling sleepy, get out of bed. Do something relaxing in dim light, such as reading a book or listening to soothing music, to help you feel drowsy.
Whatever you do, do not reach for your phone. The clock will not only trigger your stress by reminding you of when your alarm is going off, but the blue light emitted from the screen will trick your brain into thinking it’s daytime, making the challenge of falling back to sleep that bit harder.
Hormonal changes can prompt you to wake up at night, especially if you’re a woman. Throughout your life there are stages of a woman’s health, including pregnancy, perimenopause and menopause, that are marked by hormonal changes that trigger sleep disturbances.
For instance, a decline in estrogen during menopause affects your ability to reach deep sleep, while symptoms like heightened anxiety and night sweats add another layer of disruption and can be very overwhelming.
Knowledge can bring great reassurance so understanding how your hormones affect your sleep is a great first step. You might need to experiment with strategies – such as your bedtime routine or tweaks to your bedtime environment – to find out what works best for you. Speaking to a healthcare provider could also provide some further answers.
This one catches up with all of us! As you get older, your circadian rhythm (the body’s internal 24-hour clock that determines when you’re awake and asleep) can shift quite dramatically.
You may start to experience shortened sleep duration and find yourself regularly waking up at 4am! Older adults are also more likely to take longer to fall asleep at night.
Don’t panic, this shift is part of the normal ageing process. Again, knowledge is power so seeking some reassurance from a healthcare provider will help to put your mind at ease. In the meantime, review your lifestyle choices, such as your consumption of alcohol and caffeine, to see if there are simple changes you can make straightaway to alleviate your issues.
Sleep apnea, asthma and even the common cold can be to blame for disrupted nights. In this case, it’s best never to guess – seek medical advice for a diagnosis and a targeted treatment plan.
It’s worth noting that some medications can also cause nighttime wakings, including some antidepressants, beta blockers to treat high blood pressure, corticosteroids to treat inflammation and cold remedies containing alcohol.
If these side effects are becoming unbearable, please speak to your healthcare provider who can discuss ways to relieve your symptoms or investigate potential, alternative medication.
Pregnancy can be such a paradox. It’s a time of immense growth (both metaphorically and literally!) hope, and anticipation, but it’s also when sleep so often feels elusive. You’re doing everything you can to prepare for the arrival of your baby, yet sleep – one of the most basic forms of restoration – can be just out of reach.
Pregnancy insomnia is incredibly common, especially as you reach the later stages. It may be difficulty falling asleep, waking frequently during the night, or consistently finding yourself awake far too early. As if the tiredness itself weren’t enough, you might notice irritability creeping in, struggling with brain fog, or feeling physically drained during the day.
In fact, around one in four women will experience insomnia in early pregnancy, but this number rises dramatically to approximately 80% by the final trimester. And it often feels like nature’s cruel trick: at the very moment when rest is most needed, it’s hardest to achieve.
It’s important to be compassionate with yourself. Your body is undergoing monumental changes, which affect every part of you, including your ability to rest.
In early pregnancy, shifts in hormone levels – particularly progesterone and estrogen – can interfere with your sleep patterns and even affect your breathing during the night.
By the third trimester, it’s the sheer physicality of growing another human that often presents the biggest challenge. Causes of sleep disruption during this stage can include:
Nausea and heartburn:
Particularly troublesome if you lie down too soon after eating.
Increased metabolism and heart rate:
Your body is working hard, all the time.
Frequent nighttime trips to the bathroom:
The pressure on your bladder is relentless.
Physical discomfort:
Leg cramps, back pain, or simply finding a comfortable position to sleep in.
Anxiety:
The reality of welcoming a new life can feel overwhelming at times. And the stillness of night can be when worries surface most strongly.
Anxiety is particularly worth mentioning. It’s completely natural to feel worried about the future or even about your own sleep difficulties. And when anxiety is heightened, so too is the release of cortisol – the stress hormone that can make falling asleep feel impossible. It’s a cycle, but it’s not unbreakable. We offer you the best sleep therapy that can help you deal with these problems.
It’s reassuring to know there are practical, compassionate ways to ease insomnia during pregnancy. Here are some approaches to gently guide your body back towards rest.
Be mindful of your daily activities
What you do during the day can have a significant impact on your ability to rest at night. Gentle exercise, such as walking or prenatal yoga, can support healthy sleep by encouraging your body to feel sleepier at the right time.
It’s understandable to want to nap if you’ve had a poor night’s sleep, but try to limit naps to no more than 20–30 minutes and avoid them altogether in the late afternoon or evening.
Reduce the risk of heartburn
If heartburn is keeping you up at night, you could experiment by switching from three large meals to a few, smaller meals throughout the day. Avoid foods that may trigger symptoms, like greasy or spicy foods, and avoid eating two hours before bed to prevent any digestive discomfort.
Cut back on fluids before bed
Frequent bathroom breaks are part and parcel of pregnancy. However, to cut down on nighttime visits, try to avoid drinking too much before bedtime. Aim for no more than a glass of water two hours before bed and take small sips to stay hydrated without gearing yourself up for a night of jumping in and out of bed.
Avoid stimulants
During pregnancy, it is recommended that you cut back on caffeine anyway, but it’s still important to be mindful of when in the day it is consumed, even in small amounts. Caffeine works by blocking adenosine, the chemical in your brain that makes you feel sleepy as the day progresses. At the same time, it triggers the release of adrenaline which leaves you feeling energised. The effects are quick (often within 15 minutes) and can last far longer than people realise (your 3pm cuppa could still be in your system at bedtime!).
Also steer clear of screens with blue light. While a late-night scroll of social media or a Netflix binge may seem harmless enough, the light emitted can trick your brain into thinking it’s daytime. Doomscrolling through bad news or getting hooked on an intense TV drama can also spike anxiety and leave your mind buzzing – not an ideal recipe for a relaxing evening wind-down.
Jot down your worries
If you’re experiencing anxiety, try talking to your partner, a friend or a professional about your worries. Jotting down your concerns in a journal will also help you articulate these issues to others and alleviate the noisy chatter in your mind before you head to bed.
Practise good sleep hygiene
In How to Be Awake So You Can Sleep Through the Night, I mention that I’m not a fan of the term ‘sleep hygiene’. It sounds clinical, almost sterile – as if sleep is something to be scrubbed and polished into existence. But behind the phrase lies a set of practical, supportive habits that genuinely make a difference to how well you rest. And it’s that simplicity and practicality I want to focus on.
Sleep hygiene refers to the healthy habits, behaviours, and environmental factors you can influence to help you get a good night’s sleep. This includes going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, even at weekends. A consistent schedule helps to regulate your circadian rhythm – your 24-hour internal clock that controls sleep and wakefulness. Think of it as creating a natural rhythm that your body starts to recognise and respond to, making the transition into sleep feel smoother.
Creating a restful environment is just as important. Making your bedroom a haven for sleep means keeping the room cool, dark and quiet. Some people find it helpful to use a sound machine with soothing music or natural sounds to enhance the relaxing atmosphere. Whatever makes you feel at ease and signals to your body that it’s time to wind down.
And don’t overlook the basics. Take a good look at your bed – is it genuinely comfortable to sleep in? Maybe it’s time to invest in a new mattress or some better pillows. If you’re nearing the end of pregnancy, a special pillow to support your growing tummy could ease discomfort and help you settle.
So, while I might not be fond of the term, there’s a reason these principles are so often repeated. They work. And they work best when you make them your own – finding what feels restful and reassuring to you.
Experiment with relaxation techniques
There are a number of ways you can help your mind and body relax. You could try breathing exercises, gentle stretches, meditation or enjoy a warm bath.
An effective technique is Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) which involves systematically tensing and relaxing different muscle groups to release tension and indicate your parasympathetic nervous system to hit “rest and digest” mode.
Don’t fixate on sleep
I know, that’s easy to say but if you’re lying awake, staring at the ceiling, you can inadvertently start training your brain to identify your bed as a space for worry rather than for sleep. If you’re struggling to close your eyes or you wake up in the night and can’t fall back to sleep, then try not to stress about it. Get out of bed and try a relaxing activity such as reading a book under a soft light.
Pregnancy insomnia is incredibly common. It’s frustrating, draining, and it can make those daytime hours feel heavy and hard. But you are not alone in this. If lifestyle changes aren’t easing your symptoms, speak to your midwife. They can offer support and guidance that is both practical and empathetic.
Pregnancy is a journey, and like all journeys, there will be challenges along the way. But be kind to yourself. You are doing your very best, and that is enough. For more help book a meeting with heather darwall smith.
You’ve probably experienced it – on a train, in a café, or in a quiet waiting room, when someone nearby decides to take a phone call on speaker. Their voice, tinny and distorted, cuts through the background noise, making it impossible to focus on anything else.
But why does this feel so uniquely irritating? It’s not just that it’s loud. It’s the way your brain processes sound, attention, and social norms. And beyond being an immediate annoyance, this kind of auditory disruption could also be affecting your sleep – sometimes in ways you don’t even realise.
Your brain struggles with half a conversation
One of the biggest reasons speakerphone use in public is so distracting is that the brain naturally predicts the flow of conversation, but when you only hear one side, it becomes unpredictable.
Instead of being able to tune it out, your brain keeps trying to fill in the gaps. That’s why it feels impossible to ignore – even when you don’t want to listen.
The low-quality, high-pitched problem
Unlike natural speech, phone speakers distort voices, stripping away depth and making them sound unnatural. That’s why they feel like they cut through background noise rather than blending into it.
Your brain is wired to filter out steady background chatter, but the unnatural, clipped sound of a phone speaker makes it impossible to fade into the background. Instead, it forces your attention to keep resetting, over and over again.
Speakerphone use ignores social cues
In a normal conversation, you adjust your voice to fit the environment. But when someone’s on speakerphone, they’re often completely unaware of how loud or disruptive they’re being.
Public spaces work on an unspoken sensory contract – everyone plays a role in keeping the noise level balanced. When someone breaks that by putting their conversation front and centre, it throws off the entire space.
It’s more than just annoying – it’s messing with your nervous system
Loud, unpredictable noise doesn’t just frustrate you in the moment – it activates your body’s stress response. Sudden or erratic noises cause a spike in cortisol, making you more alert and primed for action.
If you’re someone who’s particularly sensitive to sound – maybe you have ADHD, autism, or just a low tolerance for auditory clutter – you’ll know exactly how overwhelming this can feel.
Unlike steady background noise, speakerphone conversations come with random volume shifts, sudden laughter, and erratic pauses, which can be jarring and intrusive. Your brain struggles to filter out these bursts of sound, leaving you feeling overstimulated, anxious, or even physically tense.
And yes, it’s affecting your sleep
You might not connect speakerphone calls in public to your sleep problems, but they’re more linked than you think.
If you’re struggling with sleep, your daytime sensory load could be part of the problem. The more overstimulated you are during the day, the harder it is to fully switch off at night.
It’s not just noise – it’s an invasion of space
Beyond the sensory overload, speakerphone calls in public trigger something else – an emotional response. They can make you feel frustrated, irritated, or even mildly enraged, because they signal a lack of awareness for the people around them.
That taps into something deeper – the feeling that public spaces are becoming more chaotic, that people are more self-absorbed, and that technology is eroding the basic social norms that make shared spaces comfortable for everyone.
What we all can do
Final thought: let’s bring back some peace
The issue with speakerphone use in public isn’t just about volume – it’s about how your brain processes incomplete conversations, the way unpredictable noise adds to your stress levels, and the fact that we all share responsibility for the spaces we move through.
If you’ve been feeling overstimulated, struggling to wind down in the evenings, or waking up feeling exhausted, it’s worth paying attention to the sensory load you’re carrying throughout the day.
Understanding why speakerphone use is so disruptive might just help shift social norms – and bring a little more calm back into your days and your nights.
If you’ve been struggling with sleep, you may have instinctively reached for sleeping pills. And if so, you are not alone. In 2023, NHS data revealed that one million people in the UK were prescribed medication for insomnia.
There’s no shame in that. When you’re exhausted, unable to function, and desperate for relief, medication can be a lifeline. The problem isn’t the short-term use of sleep aids – it’s what happens when they become the only way you believe you can sleep.
Because here’s the thing: Sleeping pills don’t actually make you sleep. They sedate you. That’s a crucial distinction. Real sleep – deep, restorative, natural sleep – is an intricate biological process that cannot be forced (and, ironically, the more you try to force it, the more elusive it becomes). Sleep medications bypass that process, knocking you out rather than letting your body cycle through its natural rhythms.
At best, they’re a short-term bridge. At worst, they become a psychological and physiological crutch, leading to dependence and masking the underlying causes of your sleep issues. And if you’re reading this, you may be wondering: Can I sleep without them?
The answer is yes. But getting there requires understanding what sleep really is, how your body regulates it, and what you can do to restore it naturally.
Are you ready to explore alternative ways to sleep?
Ask yourself:
If your answer is yes, it’s time to explore sustainable alternatives. But let’s be clear: this isn’t about going “cold turkey.” Some medications – especially benzodiazepines and Z-drugs (like zolpidem and zopiclone) – alter neurotransmitter activity in ways that require careful tapering. If you’ve been on them for a long time, abruptly stopping can make things worse and understand that coming off requires time.
What is Rebound Insomnia?
Rebound insomnia happens when you stop or reduce sleep medication and experience worse sleep than before you started taking it. This is because your brain has adapted to the drug, and when it’s suddenly removed, your sleep system struggles to function properly.
Symptoms of rebound insomnia include:
Rebound insomnia can make it feel like you need the medication to sleep, which reinforces dependence. This is why tapering must be carefully managed—reducing the dosage gradually allows your brain to adjust without triggering severe sleep disruption.
First rule of getting off sleeping pills: Tapering must be worked out with your prescriber.
As a sleep therapist, my role is to support you through the process – helping you rebuild natural sleep patterns, manage the psychological side of sleep dependence, and implement strategies that improve sleep quality. But the actual tapering of medication is a medical process that must be handled by your doctor or prescriber.
If your doctor rushes you through the process, find someone who understands how to taper medication properly. It’s your body. You deserve an approach that prioritises safety and sustainability.
Coming off sleeping pills means accepting some difficult nights
There’s no way around this: If you are coming off sleep medication, you will have some difficult nights.
For many people, this is the hardest part. It’s not just the withdrawal itself – it’s the fear of being awake. After relying on medication, experiencing sleeplessness again can feel unbearable, and the instinct is to reach for a pill to make it stop.
This is where mindset matters. If you expect perfect sleep from night one, you will be frustrated. If you expect that some nights will be hard – but that your body will relearn how to sleep – you give yourself the psychological flexibility to cope with the discomfort.
So what does this mean in practical terms?
This isn’t about waiting it out – it’s about actively working with your body to restore natural sleep regulation.
Sleep Is a 24-Hour process: fix the day to fix the night
Most people think of sleep as something that happens at bedtime. Sleep starts the moment you wake up. The way you spend your day determines whether your body is primed for rest – or set up for another night of staring at the ceiling.
Wake up at the same time every day – no exceptions
Your circadian rhythm is like a 24-hour loop, and the most powerful way to reset it is by keeping a consistent wake-up time. Yes, even on weekends. Yes, even after a bad night. The time you wake up is what sets your biological clock for the following night.
Your brain needs bright, natural light to regulate melatonin production. Without it, your sleep-wake cycle drifts. Aim for 10-30 minutes of outdoor light exposure within an hour of waking – this signals to your body that morning has begun, setting the stage for proper sleep at night.
Caffeine has a half-life of 5-7 hours. That means a cup of coffee at 3 p.m. can still be in your system at bedtime. It’s not just about when you drink it – it’s about whether your body metabolises it efficiently. If sleep is an issue, experiment with cutting caffeine off by noon and see if your sleep improves.
If you nap too long or too late, you steal sleep pressure from the night – making it harder to fall asleep later. Keep naps under 20 minutes and schedule them before 3 p.m. to avoid interfering with your nighttime cycle.
What you do in the evening matters
You can’t expect your body to slam into sleep mode at 10 p.m. if you’ve been revving the engine all day. The goal at night is to shift from activation to recovery.
Your body isn’t designed to process heavy meals right before bed. Late eating can cause delayed sleep onset, disrupted REM sleep, and night-time wakefulness. Aim to finish eating at least 2-3 hours before bed.
Alcohol sedates you but wrecks sleep architecture. It suppresses REM sleep, leading to lighter, more fragmented sleep. It also increases night-time awakenings (often because of dehydration or needing the bathroom). If sleep is a priority, limit alcohol intake, especially close to bedtime.
Yes, blue light suppresses melatonin, but it’s not just about light exposure – it’s about content exposure. Watching the news, doomscrolling, or responding to emails keeps your brain in high-alert mode, making sleep harder.
Racing thoughts? Write them down. Offloading anxious thoughts before bed reduces mental looping and helps prevent rumination from interfering with sleep.
At bedtime: build a routine that signals sleep
A strong bedtime routine trains your brain to associate certain actions with sleepiness. The key is consistency – over time, these habits signal to your body that it’s time to rest.
Dim the lights
Lowering light levels tells your brain it’s time to start producing melatonin, the hormone that helps you fall asleep.
Take a warm shower or bath
A warm bath or shower can help lower your core body temperature, which is a natural trigger for sleep onset.
Listen to calming music or an audiobook
Gentle music, nature sounds, or even a slow-paced audiobook can help transition your mind from wakefulness to rest.
If you can’t sleep – stop trying to force it
One of the worst things you can do when you’re struggling to sleep? Lie there, staring at the ceiling, stressing about not sleeping.
Don’t reach for your phone – the stimulation will keep you awake longer.
Try deep breathing or progressive relaxation—these techniques activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes sleepiness.
Read or listen to calming content—avoid bright lights and let yourself feel drowsy naturally.
Get out of bed after 20-30 minutes. Do something relaxing in dim light (reading, stretching, listening to music).
Remind yourself: sleep is a passive process—you can’t force it.
When should you see a Doctor?
If you’ve followed these steps for several weeks and still struggle to sleep without medication, it’s time to consider other explanations. Insomnia is just one sleep disorder – there are over 80 recognised sleep disorders, and yours may not be as simple as “bad sleep hygiene.”
🚩 Signs that something else may be going on:
If you suspect something more, ask your doctor for a sleep assessment. And if they brush off your concerns? Push for testing.
Final thought: taper with a plan, not just willpower
If you’ve been taking sleeping pills for a while, reducing them isn’t just about swapping them for sleep hygiene. It requires a gradual, structured taper that prevents rebound insomnia and withdrawal effects.
Key takeaways:
You are not broken. Your body is not failing you. With the right approach, you can regain natural, restorative sleep – without relying on pills to get there.
With the right approach, it is possible to regain natural, restorative sleep safely and sustainably but allow yourself the time to do this.
If you are considering making changes to your sleep medication, speak to your GP or sleep specialist first. You deserve a sleep plan that is safe, effective, and tailored to your needs.
You’re exhausted. It feels like you’ve been running on empty all day, dragging yourself through the hours. But as soon as your head hits the pillow, your brain hits play on a -ending mental playlist. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone.
Many people struggle with this frustrating cycle. There are lots of reasons why it might be happening, but one you may not have considered is that something deeper could be at play – your circadian rhythm might be out of sync.
Think of your circadian rhythm as your body’s internal 24-hour clock. It doesn’t just determine when you sleep and wake but also regulates vital processes like hormone production, body temperature, and digestion.
But here’s the challenge – modern life, with its endless demands and artificial light, often ignores this internal clock. When your circadian rhythm is disrupted, your sleep suffers.
Take a moment to reflect: Take a moment to reflect:
● Do you find yourself tossing and turning while your brain races with thoughts?
● Are you reaching for caffeine during the day to stay alert, only to have it keep you awake at night?
If so, these might be clues that your circadian rhythm needs recalibration. But sleep struggles often don’t have just one cause.
Let’s look at some common culprits:
Here’s an often-overlooked truth about sleep: being tired isn’t the same as being sleepy. You might feel physically drained or mentally exhausted, but unless your body is biologically ready for sleep, it’s not going to happen.
Sleepiness is your body’s natural signal that it’s time to rest, driven by two main factors:
1. Your circadian rhythm: This is your 24-hour internal clock that regulates sleep and wakefulness. It’s why you tend to feel drowsy at certain times of the day and wide awake at others.
2. Adenosine build-up: Adenosine is a chemical that accumulates in your brain while you’re awake, creating sleep pressure. The longer you’re awake, the more adenosine builds, making you feel sleepy.
If you try to go to bed before these two systems are in alignment – in other words, before you’re actually sleepy – you’ll likely end up lying there, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what’s wrong with you. And the more you worry about not sleeping, the harder it becomes to switch off.
If you’re not sleepy yet, it’s better to stay up and engage in something calming – like reading, journaling, or light stretching – rather than lying in bed frustrated.
Get up at the same time everyday and give yourself enough time to get the sleep you need. Once you’ve found a bedtime and wake time that match your biology, stick to it. This doesn’t mean you have to be rigid, but keeping a consistent sleep schedule, even on weekends, strengthens your circadian rhythm and improves sleep quality over time.
If you’re lying awake at night replaying conversations or worrying about the future, you’re not just “overthinking” – your nervous system might be stuck on high alert, a state called hyperarousal.
Your nervous system plays a key role in how your body responds to stress. It has two main parts: the sympathetic nervous system (your “fight or flight” mode) and the parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest and digest” mode). When you’re stressed or anxious, your sympathetic nervous system takes over, keeping your body on high alert and ready to respond to danger – even if the “danger” is just worrying about tomorrow’s to-do list.
Normally, your parasympathetic system would step in to calm things down once the stress passes, but with ongoing stress, your body can get stuck in “fight or flight” mode (hyperarousal). This leads to the overproduction of cortisol, which keeps you alert and prevents the release of melatonin, the hormone that helps you relax and fall asleep.
Hyperarousal happens when your body stays in “fight or flight” mode even when there’s no immediate danger. Unlike temporary stress (like what you feel before a big event), this lingering stress can make it harder for your body to relax and switch off at night.
When you’re in this state, your body produces high levels of cortisol – the hormone that keeps you alert. During the day, cortisol helps you stay focused, but at night, it can interfere with melatonin and delay the process of winding down.
Over time, this imbalance can leave you stuck in a frustrating cycle: feeling exhausted but unable to sleep, with the lack of rest only making your stress worse.
● Try incorporating calming techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness in short bursts throughout the day to reduce stress levels way before bedtime.
● Consider journaling to offload any worries racing through your mind.
The idea is to systematically tense and then relax different muscle groups in your body, helping you release physical tension and signaling your parasympathetic nervous system to activate (“rest and digest” mode).
1. Tense your toes for 5–10 seconds, then release and notice the sensation of relaxation.
2. Move to your calves, thighs, and so on, gradually working up through your body until you’ve relaxed all major muscle groups.
Understanding how stress works is the first step to breaking the cycle and giving your body the chance to truly rest.
If you’re a woman, hormonal changes could be playing a role in why you feel tired but struggle to sleep.
● In the days leading up to menstruation, hormonal fluctuations can reduce melatonin production, making it harder for your body to settle into restful sleep.
● During perimenopause, levels of estrogen and progesterone – hormones that help regulate your sleep cycle – begin to shift. These changes often lead to difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Symptoms like increased anxiety or night sweats can add another layer of disruption. It’s a natural process, but it can feel overwhelming.
Understanding how your hormones affect your sleep is a great first step. You might need to experiment with strategies – like adjusting your bedtime routine or seeking support from a healthcare provider – to find what works best for you.
For many people, caffeine is a survival tool to get through a tired day. But it might also be the reason your nights feel restless.
Caffeine works by blocking adenosine, the chemical in your brain that makes you feel sleepy as the day progresses. At the same time, it triggers the release of adrenaline, which leaves you feeling energised or even “wired” when you should be winding down. While the effects of caffeine kick in quickly – often within 15 minutes – they last far longer than most people realize. With a half-life of 5–7 hours, that cup of coffee you had at 3 PM could still be in your system at bedtime.
You don’t need to give up caffeine completely, but consider the timing and amount. If you’re sensitive to caffeine, try limiting it to earlier in the day or switching to decaf after lunch.
Many of us wind down at night by scrolling through social media or bingeing Netflix. On the surface, it feels like a harmless way to relax. But is it really helping? The content you consume right before bed can stimulate your brain, keeping it in overdrive when it needs to calm down. For example:
● Doomscrolling through bad news can spike your anxiety.
● Getting hooked on an intense drama can leave your mind buzzing long after the credits roll.
Additionally, screens emit blue light, which can disrupt your circadian rhythm by tricking your brain into thinking it’s still daytime.
Reflect on your pre-sleep habits:
● Is this activity calming me, or adding to the noise?
● Could I replace it with a book, meditation, or calming music?
By tuning into how screens impact your sleep, you can create an evening routine that helps your mind and body transition into genuine relaxation.
While naps can be helpful, how and when you nap really matters. The wrong nap strategy can make it harder to sleep at night and throw off your circadian rhythm.
The best time to nap is early afternoon, during your body’s natural energy dip. This is when your circadian rhythm signals a brief drop in alertness, making it the perfect moment for a short rest. Keep your nap to around 20 minutes to avoid feeling groggy and to make sure it doesn’t interfere with your ability to fall asleep later.
It’s also worth considering why you’re napping. If you’re regularly catching up on sleep during the day because of poor nighttime rest, it might actually make things worse. Napping too long or too late can reduce your sleep pressure leading to a cycle of struggling to sleep at night, feeling tired during the day, and relying on more naps, leaving you feeling stuck.
● Keep naps short – around 20 minutes – to avoid feeling groggy due to the risk of a longer nap tipping you into deep sleep.
● Avoid napping too late in the day, as this can reduce your sleep pressure and make it harder to fall asleep at night.
The key is to use naps as a quick boost, not a replacement for a good night’s sleep. By reflecting on your sleep habits and adjusting your approach, you can make sure both your naps and your nights are truly restorative.
There are over 80 recognised sleep disorders, many of which could explain why you’re feeling tired but unable to sleep. If you suspect a sleep disorder might be contributing to your difficulties, it’s worth consulting your GP for a thorough assessment and guidance on next steps.
In the 21st century, every pocket and purse conceals a portal to the world; smartphones. They have become both a boon and a potential bane. Their profound influence extends beyond personal realms, shaping societal behaviours, norms, and even our biological rhythms. While they promise unprecedented connectivity, the psychological, social, and physiological toll they might exact has become a subject of concern and contemplation.
The sensory toll of public smartphone use
Once, public spaces like trains, parks, and cafes were havens of personal reflection or communal connection. Personally, after the end of a long day, I look forward to relaxing in the quiet carriage on the train, but have noticed how the peace is often shattered and I am surprised by the ferocity of my feelings towards those responsible for what feels like terribly intrusive noise.
What is going on? How has it become acceptable to shout your business into your phone regardless of the environment you are in? Smartphones, while connecting us to distant friends and vast information, have simultaneously introduced a unique form of sensory chaos into our shared environments. Who hasn’t heard the sales director broadcasting confidential details about their clients with an entire train compartment? Or experienced fellow concert-goers viewing an entire performance through a 6-inch screen while blocking your view, it feels like our societal behaviours have undergone a profound shift.
I can’t help feeling that the collective cacophony of ringtones, video sounds, and general mindless behaviour around our smartphones is becoming a significant source of sensory stress. The irony of this also amplifying feelings of social disconnection does not escape me, let alone the questions I have about the boundaries of personal space in the digital age.
The Sleep Paradox
Sleep, the age-old restorative process that every living being relies upon, now finds itself at odds with the very tool many of us set beside our pillows each night. Smartphones, designed to engage, inform, and occasionally enamour, often intrude into the sacred sanctuary of rest. Many many times, I find myself discussing the discomfort of being separated from one’s phone at night – they have become a digital comfort blanket, and it’s too stressful to put it away.
Yes, these devices offer conveniences from alarm clocks to meditation tracks to paying your bills at the click of a button; their omnipresence in our nighttime routines may be robbing us of restful sleep. The allure of just one more scroll, the beckoning blue light, or the sudden ping of a late-night message are modern challenges to achieving consistent, quality sleep. Waking up at 3 a.m., the temptation to keep scrolling is just too much and before you know it, bleary-eyed, it’s time to get up.
Navigating the digital age
I cannot deny that the age of information, characterised by the rise of the smartphone, has ushered in profound benefits – instantaneous communication, access to vast troves of information, and platforms for self-expression. However, as with all monumental shifts in societal behaviour, there are growing pains. Many academics, psychologists, and sociologists have observed and commented on the intricate dance between humans and their smart devices. While we’ve embraced the positives, it’s crucial to be aware of and navigate the potential pitfalls. The question isn’t about rejecting technology but understanding its influence and drawing boundaries where necessary.
Technically there are a number of key issues to consider.
Blue Light Emission
Devices like smartphones, tablets, and computer screens primarily emit blue light, a high-energy, short-wavelength light. While this type of light can be beneficial during daylight hours by increasing attention and mood, it can be particularly disruptive at night. The human body produces melatonin, often dubbed the ‘sleep hormone’, which regulates our sleep-wake cycle. However, excessive exposure to blue light in the evenings can suppress melatonin production. This suppression can delay the onset of REM sleep, reduce the duration of REM sleep, and consequently lead to poorer quality sleep and even sleep deprivation. In essence, your devices might be tricking your internal clocks into believing it’s still daytime, disrupting our natural circadian rhythms and the restorative benefits they bring.
Digital Stimulation
The very design of many apps and platforms encourages continual engagement. Whether it’s scrolling through ever-refreshing news feeds, playing visually intense games, or engaging with multimedia content, these digital experiences are designed to capture and retain our attention. This kind of stimulation activates the brain, making it alert and awake. Engaging with such content, especially before bedtime, can heighten our mental alertness, making the transition to a calm, rest-ready state much more challenging. Essentially, while your body might be ready for rest, your mind remains in a state of heightened activity.
Doom Scrolling
A recent phenomenon, ‘doom scrolling’, refers to the act of consuming a large quantity of negative or distressing news in a continuous scroll, often on social media platforms or news apps. This habitual scrolling, especially during uncertain times, can lead to feelings of despair, anxiety, and hopelessness. It becomes a cycle where individuals are seeking updates or news but continually encounter negative content, further amplifying any feelings of unease or distress.
Constant Interruptions
For those old enough to remember the flashing red light of the often nick-named crackberry (blackberry), it is well understood how constant notifications trigger a burst of adrenalin. Today, that flashing red light seems tame! Now you have to contend with a blitz of attention-seeking alerts. From social media updates to news alerts and email notifications to app updates, our devices buzz, beep, and light up constantly. Even if you choose to ignore a late-night notification, the mere sound or vibration can disrupt the process of falling asleep or jar someone out of deep slumber. For some, it creates a state of anticipation, where the mind is subconsciously waiting for the next ping or vibration, preventing a peaceful, undisturbed night’s rest.
Mental Stress
In an interconnected world, our devices often serve as a window to global events, personal dramas, and everything in between. While this can be enlightening and connective, it can also be a source of mental and emotional stress. Reading distressing news or engaging in intense social interactions can evoke strong emotional responses. These feelings don’t simply vanish when we set our devices aside; they linger, often manifesting as rumination or worry. As a result, the mind remains active and alert, processing and pondering these digital interactions and events, making it challenging to achieve the mental calmness required for restful sleep.
Fortunately, there are ways to mitigate these effects. Screen-free time before bed, utilising “night mode” features, and setting devices to “Do Not Disturb” can all contribute to better sleep hygiene.
What else can you do to support yourself?
In conclusion, while smartphones and digital technology have woven themselves into the fabric of our daily lives, we have the agency to determine the depth of their influence. Through understanding, mindfulness, and boundary-setting, we can let go of smartphones as comfort blankets and ensure that these tools enhance our lives rather than dominate them.
I often ponder on how the digital revolution mirrors the transformative changes ushered in by the Industrial Revolution, which began in the UK in the late 18th century and gradually spread worldwide into the 20th century. Industries and professions have emerged, peaked, and then completely fallen away as technology speeds ahead.
The world of digital technology has brought forth many ground-breaking innovations, with the emergence of the internet being paramount among them. Yet, among all these advancements, perhaps from the perspective of sleep and mental health, the scroll feature stands out for its, perhaps, understated insidious impact. From its ancient roots to its modern applications, scrolling has shaped our interactions with content. For me, it is like the modern-day sandman, stealthily stealing our time, especially before bed.
From Papyrus to Pixels
Earlier this year, on a trip to Egypt, we got suckered into visiting a papyrus shop. You know the sort – you go on a day trip and then you must visit “my friend’s shop”. As they laid out the scrolls of papyrus, I suddenly clocked the possibility that this might be the source of that trickly little beast, the scroll function. Perhaps the concept of scrolling isn’t uniquely digital? Instead, its lineage traces back to the scrollable papyrus rolls of ancient civilisations. This primitive method of “moving content” to reveal more has evolved as technology has raced forward.
Interest peaked; I researched more about the evolution of scrolling because I recall in the dusty recesses of my brain reading something about an engineer involved in the evolution of scrolling and regretting it (I can’t find a source for this, so maybe I dreamt it!?). So I found out that in the 1970s, the digital version of scrolling we’re familiar with began to take shape, thanks to the pioneering efforts at Xerox PARC. However, the broader adoption started in the 1980s, with the rise of operating systems from tech giants like Apple and Microsoft.
The infinite scroll revolution in social media
With the basic scroll function well-established, a new entrant emerged: infinite scroll. This is where content continuously loads as users delve deeper, offering an endless cascade of information mediated by faceless algorithms.
When discussing social media usage before bed, my clients will often have heard me bemoan those genius engineers at platforms like Twitter and Facebook who deliberately popularised this design, shifting user interaction from active searching to passive consumption – they have got us hooked! With an unending supply of new posts and content, we all find ourselves sucked in, spending more hours, often unintentionally, on these platforms.
Hooked on the scroll: the time thief
Scrolling before sleep: the unseen impact
The underlying psychology of infinite scrolling taps into our innate curiosity. The constant promise of “more” just below our current view can be enticing. This mirrors the anticipatory reward mechanism seen in slot machines; the next big reward, or in this case, a life-changing post or tweet that will solve everything, could be just a scroll away. (I actually think it’s less prosaic than this, perhaps there is always another cute puppy clip to watch?)
This “just one more” mentality is where the time-thieving nature of scrolling comes into sharp focus. Hours can fly by without realisation, especially during times when we should be winding down.
So it’s time to control the scroll
Recognising that we are all up against the behemoths of technical genius, we all need to take control of our tendency to be sucked by the scroll. Being aware of our digital habits, especially before bed, is the first step. We need to set some limits on our usage consciously. Tips to do this include:
The journey of scrolling, from its ancient beginnings to its digital dominance, is jaw-dropping. It is a stand-out example of the ability of the power of design to change human behaviour fundamentally. It’s almost impossible to live in a digital-free world, so we need to be aware and remain mindful of our usage and habits to ensure our well-being isn’t compromised. Balancing enjoyment of content with mindful consumption can ensure we don’t fall prey to the time-thieving nature of the scroll, especially at when we should be relaxing in the sanctity of our bed.
Night night.
